So, you have a site with limited commenting. Since having comments off is the default behavior, we only really want to let people know when comments are *on*. Sure, you could hack into the backend and edit a line in wp-includes/comment-template.php, but that will get replaced every time you upgrade.

Instead, edit your comments_popup_link where it appears in archive.php, single.php, etc.

You want probably have something like this:
comments_popup_link ( 'No Comments', '1 Comment', '% Comments' )
Which is actually expandable, you can define a css class to wrap the comment notice and define the comments off message:
comments_popup_link ( 'No Comments', '1 Comment', '% Comments', 'MyCssClass', 'Comments Off' )
then, of course, remove the comments off text, leaving only the single quotes:
comments_popup_link ( 'No Comments', '1 Comment', '% Comments', 'MyCssClass', '' )

et voila!

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